spam

This page is for the kids in the Land of Northern Ire, and anyone else who’s a bit short of Uncles.

                 The script of the Hospital Game CD that I haven’t recorded yet:

Scene: a hospital game being played somewhere in Northern Ireland.

(Bland background music – scenes of medical and administrative chaos.)

At regular intervals announcements in a prissy South London female voice – possibly      computerised – emerge from the loudspeakers:

- Viola players required in cardiology.

- Will all red-haired golfers please report to the shower room immediately.

- Please refrain from saying that this game sucks. Thankyou.

- Visitors are requested not to do their homework in the operating theatres. Thankyou.

- Will cellists please practice their instruments before reporting to the music room.

-Emergency! A bus-load of mental patients muttering “It was him, guv” has just been dumped at the main entrance.

-This is a staff announcement: will a maintenance operative please report to the SARS ward – canteen staff are experiencing difficulty getting the food under the door.

-Will doctors please refrain from smoking their pipes in the operating theatres. Thankyou.

-Doctors are reminded that they are not allowed to cure anybody without written permission from administration.

And that’s the reason why I haven’t done the CD yet, and probably never will – paucity of material (that’s “not enough”, Stephen.)